6:14 pm, December 30, 2007

That's when I crossed out of Kansas on my way to a new life in Minnesota. And I made it safely to Hibbing.

Sure am missing my girls, though...

One for the road

(sung to the tune of "I'll be Home for Christmas")

I'll be leaving Kansas
Minnesota will I see
Snow that blows
And Dylan's nose
and eagles in the trees.

New Year's Eve will find me
Where Hibbing's streetlights gleam
Oh, I'll be leaving Kansas
This time its not a dream!

Merry Christmas, dammit!

When Miri asks about Santa...

The Truth about Santa

by Elaine M. Gibson

At some point in every child's life, parents must face the BIG question, What do I tell my child about Santa? When do I tell my child the truth? How do I tell my child that Mom and Dad are really Santa?

I approached these details with a great deal of bias from my own childhood. My parents told me the truth before I wanted to hear it. My cousin asked for a bike and Santa brought him one. I had wanted a bike but Santa didn't bring me one. My mother was worried that I would think Santa loved Jimmy more since Jimmy got his wish.

I don't remember even wanting a bike but I do remember the shock of hearing the truth revealed. My first reaction was that my parents had been lying to me and that was awful. There was also a sense of loss at not being able to believe in Santa Claus anymore. I decided that I would never tell my children that Santa Claus was real and thereby avoid the problem.


"Never say never" should be the slogan for parenthood.

When my first child was less than two years old, we attended the Christmas parade in downtown Bryan, Texas. The parade was almost over when Erin, atop her dad's shoulders, started chanting, "Santa, Santa, Santa!" She saw him and the magic began.

We read the Santa books and she pointed out every Santa image for the entire season. She was obviously thrilled with the whole mystique and I simply watched and enjoyed her excitement. I decided to keep my opinions to myself.

During the next few years, I let her invent her own Santa myths. She adopted ideas from books and films as well as from her friends. We avoided the "Santa only brings gifts IF you are good" routine and the "Santa knows everything you do so you better watch out" propaganda. Both concepts are designed to scare the stuffing out of kids and are used by desperate parents.

As this child began to ask questions, we simply answered with, "What do you think?" and she came up with the answers she was ready to accept and willing to believe.

Next, she really wanted answers but she also wanted to believe in Santa even though it was not making "sense" to her.

We would answer her questions with "It must be magic." Magic, fantasy, and pretend are normal parts of a young child's life and she could live with that answer. Then one December when Erin was four, she asked me the dreaded question, point blank.


"Is Santa real?"

"What do you think? and "Santa is magic" were no longer adequate answers. She demanded an answer but was obviously upset at the anticipated answer. (We were in the car at the time where all meaningful conversations seem to take place.)

Remembering how much I wanted to believe in Santa, I told my daughter that you can believe something is real if you want to believe it. I asked her if she wanted to believe in Santa and she said, "Yes." At that point, she actually decided to believe and convinced herself so well that she went through one more Christmas before explaining the "truth" to me.

Santa is magic and sooner or later everyone understands that there is a trick to all magic. When children begin to understand magic tricks, they figure out the trick to Santa. Erin accepted the fact that parents are Santa and relished the idea of being a Santa for someone else.


Santa Claus is love and love is real.

Some child specialist recommend debunking the Santa myth as soon as possible. Other specialists recommend telling children that Santa is real in response to a child's question. I suspect that both recommendations are the result of personal Christmases long ago.

As a parent, you need to handle the situation in whatever manner is comfortable. Think through your own feelings, be aware of your child's needs, then act accordingly. The "right" thing is what's right for your family.

Personally, I think I will continue to believe in Santa Claus. For as every kid knows, that way you get a present from Santa AND your parents!

What "Princess Bride" character are you? I'm...

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

The MLB Steroids Report

A few observations on the latest scandal in the sport I love to hate:

1. Best "Take-that-you-miserable-prick-and-kiss-your-career-and-Hall-of-Fame-ballot- goodbye" name: Roger Clemons
2. Names that should have been on the list but I'm glad were not: Mark and Sammy
3. Jose Canseco was right. Yike!
4. Maybe skinny guys will reappear, like in the 70's. And any big guys will be genuinely fat, like Willy Stargel.

Think you know "A Christmas Story?"

I love this movie! Do you? Try these trivia questions! Long live Ralphie!
(Answers posted in Comments)

1. What is Ralphie's last name?
2. Where does he live (street, town, state)?
3. What does he want for Christmas? (Be exact.)
4. According to his mom, teacher and Santa, what will happen if he gets it?
5. What does Ralphie explicitly not want for Christmas?
6. What is the name of the local department store?
7. What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
8. What did the "clodhopper down in Griffith, Ind.," swallow?
9. What contest does Ralphie's dad enter?
10. What is first prize?
11. What is Ralphie's brother's name?
12. Who directed, produced and co-wrote the movie?
13. This man also directed what 1982 movie about a group of Florida high schoolers and a sleazy nightclub owner?
14. What magazine does Ralphie's mother read?
15. According to Ralphie (as he tries to con his dad), what did Flick see near Pulaski's Candy Store?
16. What are the parents' names?
17. What did the father want for Christmas?
18. What does he get?
19. In his dream sequence, what does Ralphie call his trusty firearm?
20. In that dream, who's the leader of the desperadoes who attack his house?
21. What kind of car does Dad drive?
22. To the best of Ralphie's knowledge, where does his dad's "tapestry of obscenity" hover to this day?
23. Why does the little brother cry before going to school?
24. What song's sheet music is written on the blackboard in Ralphie's class?
25. What is the name of Ralphie's teacher?
26. What is the name of the neighborhood bully?
27. What color eyes does he have?
28. This bully is played by Zack Ward. In what Fox comedy did he co-star as an adult?
29. What is the name of his toadie sidekick?
30. Name two things confiscated from students in the teacher's desk.
31. What book is the class reading?
32. What is the most serious of all dares?
33. Melinda Dillon, who plays Ralphie's mom, appears topless in what 1977 movie?
34. Where does Ralphie sit in class?
35. What theme does the teacher assign to the class?
36. What is the name of Ralphie's neighbors?
37. Who wrote and narrated "A Christmas Story"?
38. Who does he play on-screen in the film?
39. What does Dad guess is his "Major Award"?
40. When the crate arrives, where does he think it's from?
41. How much does Dad tip the delivery guys?
42. How long has Ralphie's brother not eaten voluntarily?
43. When did Mom last have a hot meal for herself?
44. What is the Major Award?
45. What is the nickname of the neighbor Dad talks to across the street?
46. What time did "Lil' Orphan Annie" start?
47. Who is the sponsor of the radio show?
48. What grade does Ralphie get on his theme?
49. How fast can Dad change a flat tire?
50. What brand of soap does Ralphie like to have his mouth washed out with?
51. What brand does he hate?
52. When Mom breaks Dad's Major Award, what "crusher" of a line does he stammer out?
53. What does Dad then do with his Major Award?
54. What kind of dogs do the neighbors have?
55. Who had tickets to the Bears-Packers game?
56. Characters from this movie march in the Christmas parade.
57. Some of these characters pretend to beat up what other character in the parade?
58. Who/what does "Goggle Boy" waiting in line like?
59. What year did "A Christmas Story" likely take place?
60. What does the department store Santa hate?
61. Ralphie's dad could replace a fuse faster than what?
62. What gifts did Ralphie and his brother throw over their shoulders in disgust?
63. What are the names of Ralphie's two friends?
64. Name three gifts Ralphie's brother received for Christmas.
65. What is the name of Ralphie's aunt?
66. What does she think Ralphie is?
67. What does she make him as a gift?
68. What two things does Dad say Ralphie looks like wearing it?
69. What school does Ralphie attend?
70. What does Dad offer Ralphie on Christmas morning?
71. What is Dad's favorite food?
72. What happens to Ralphie's glasses on Christmas morning?
73. According to Mom, what will Dad get if he eats dinner before it's completely cooked?
74. What day of the week does Christmas fall on that year?
75. Where does the family go out to eat on Christmas night?
76. What is above the restaurant?
76. What two songs do the wait staff sing?
77. How is that dinner like da Vinci's "The Last Supper"?
78. What is the problem with the duck that's served?
79. How is this resolved?
80. What does adult Ralphie call duck?

Not so cold after all

Well, that horrible ice storm that blasted everyone else just rained a lot on Wichita, though I spent the day at home (school was closed the day before) getting ready for everything to go out. There were benefits, however. We didn't have to pay a babysitter, I got a nap and I got to watch the entire first season of "The Drew Cary Show" on DVD.

Hey, it was MY day off, so that is a benefit...

That icy cold feeling part II

The second ice storm in three years is on its way. And the tree that caused my week-long power outage last time is still there...and three years older.

Hibbing has 2 feet of snow and has a temperature of -18 degrees this morning. I'd rather be there.

A quiet week for blogging...

...but not for me. Many things going on at school, home (Cole's birthday, Miri's birthday, Hanukkah, getting ready to move) plus I'm feeling under the weather. So, no posts this week. Check in next week.

So, till then:

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

I'm sick to being tolerant!

Politically Correct bozos be damned! Because of this, I am going to start using the word "crusade" again when referring to fighting terrorism in the Middle East. Why do I have to continue to keep a civil tongue and pick my words carefully so as not to defend these idiots...er...deeply religious followers of the peaceful prophet (name deleted)?

Grammar 911!

From the Opinion Line of today's Wichita Eagle:

Another baby gets mauled and almost killed by another pit bull. They should be completely outlawed in Wichita, and it should be a felony for anyone caught having one.

Okay, it should be a felony to own a pitbull...or a baby? Be specific! Or your baby could be put down for mauling a pit bull.

Our website is finally updated!

Go here!

Leave it up to the Daily Illini

Countdown to my first day in Hibbing!

Actual "chief executive" stuff

I have never believed that the presidency should be the moral compass of the nation. It is impossible to legislate morality, so why expect the chief executive to worry about? The president should be dealing with the day-to-day running of the executive branch, defending the country and making sure that we can go about our lives with a minimum of fuss. Like this.

And this is why regular people should be president. Not Rhodes scholars, wives of Rhodes scholars or anybody whose address includes "The Hamptons."

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Clause (abridged)

American pop culture has too much influence on the rest of the planet. Even our offensive slange has crept out there and spoiled Christmas for kids in Australia. I'll be playing Santa in the upcoming holiday show, so I guess I need to watch my Christmas spirit, huh? Ho's up, Santas down.

At least Bush can stay on task!

As a person easily distracted by shiny objects, I can sympathise. But I don't want to be president! This comes from the John Edwards campaign in Iowa:

At a farm in Cylinder, Iowa, last month, when latecomers unfolded chairs, he paused from remarks about Iran. “Are you going to keep rattling chairs while I am talking?” he said, not in an unfriendly way. Later, he had to be reminded by them what he had been talking about.

I mean, what would happen if he was deciding on whether or not to push the button and a squirrel ran past the Oval Office window?

Not allowed to serve.

Veteran's Day is always tough for me since I'm patriotic and have always wanted to serve my country. I feel guilty that I have not done my part like so many others. And with the new incentives to join coupled with the fact that at the age of 41, I still have one year of eligibility to join up. But the military has always found a reason to turn me away.

Right out of high school, I went to the Navy, but they said no because I had ulcers at the time. In my early 30's, the Air Force recruited me to be an officer, then denied me because I was a sleep walker. Several years later, I was ready to go into the Army Reserve and made it all the way to the physical when the doctor pronounced my mitral valve prolapse a "heart murmur" (which, according to my cardiologist, isn't). I don't see how any of those things could stop me from pulling a trigger, but rules are rules and I still respect an honor those who went...and are still there.

Thanks. For all you do.

If Ohio State doesn't win the BCS Championship...

...whoever does should send Illinois a really big fruit basket. Or one of their scholarships.

I'm just sayin'...

Hillary Clinton claims she is qualified to be president because of the time she already has spent in the White House. I wonder if Monica Lewinsky ought to run for president.

Like global warming, it has been assumed, not proven.

Bring on the bacon!

Any dog owner knows this already

This is an intersting study, but, as a dog owner, all I can say is, "Well, duh." Check out paragraph four about the original study; must have been done by cat owners.

'Cause I'm ethnocentric and love bashing other countries, especially France

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

NOTE: None of these are original. If you don't like this, its not my fault...

At least they weren't truck drivers!

Having flown over the boredom that is Kansas, I can completely understand.

Fred, when you get to Hell, you'll be rooming with Hitler

BTW, that's a soldier dancing on the grave.

Take that, Pack Leader!

OK, now that we've accomplished this, on to the doorknob mystery! *woof*

It must be Bush's fault!

The global warming kabal must be thrilled that there is a tropical storm this late in the season. I mean, tracking this sort of thing is so much more important than actually helping the people in the Bahamas.

"Wuthering Heights" starring Miriam Bell

"Oh, Heathcliff!"
(sorry, it had to be done)

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood (Miri prepares for Halloween)

Mama always says, "Cutie is as cutie does." And why isn't this pumpkin made of chocolate?

It's a pumpkin chorus! A one and a two and a...

Tuning up for Trick or Treating. *ahem* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gimme.

Thank you, BoSox

By sweeping the Rockies, you have brought another interminable baseball season to an end. And early, at that. God, I hate that game...

No, let's not!

Help! I was walking past the music room at the lower school, and I heard something most horrifying: "The Time Warp" sung by kids! After class, I had the teacher play it for me. Not only were there pre-adolescents singing the Rocky Horror classic, but (and I'm not making this up) NONE OF THE LYRICS HAD BEEN CHANGED! *shudder*

Don't believe me? The album is called "DJ's Choice: Kid's Pop Halloween Songs," (c) 2003 Turn Up the Music, Inc.

With a bit of a mind flip is right!

Cavemen, er, cavepeople

Yes! Finally, the evidence for what I have said all along: we dorky red-heads are just evolutionary throw backs. Cute, sure, but just a bunch knuckle dragging mouth breathers...

Variation on a classic

Classic:
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve grasshoppers here!" The grasshopper says, "That's okay. I only wanted a beer."

Variation:
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Dave?"

Think you have problems with squirrels now?

"They may take our lives, but they'll never take our acorns!"

49%

Add two more: Colorado and Minnesota.

Sorry, no good stories.

It pretty much went as planned, with only two problems:
1. I was lost for one hour in Minneapolis trying to find my hotel on Saturday night.
2. There was a 30 minute delay in Denver due to snow.

It sure is beautiful up there in Minnesota. All extremities crossed! I'll know October 29 if I got the job.

Start again!

OK, I'm still going to Hibbing, but no longer driving the entire way. Last night, we went to pick up the rental car at Hertz and was told they had no more cars, even though I had a reservation. Hertz sent me to Enterprise, who would not honor the unlimited mileage (turns out Hertz would not have, either, even though I had a reservation slip from them with "unlimited mileage" printed on it). So much for the cheap car.

We went home and I got a last-minute flight to Minneapolis from Wichita. I leave Wichita at 3:30pm, have a 3 hour layover in Denver, arrive in Minneapolis at 10pm, then get a rental car (confirmed, paid for and verbally checked!) for the 3.5 hour drive to Hibbing. I'm done in Hibbing around 3pm on Saturday, then don't have anywhere to be till 6:30am Sunday, when my return flight leaves Minneapolis. After another 3 hour stay in Denver, I get back to Wichita at 12:30pm.

One plane change allows the airline to lose my one piece of luggage, but at least I can add two more states to my list: Minnesota and Colorado. ("The furthest west I've been? The Denver airport. The furthest north? Hibbing, MN.")

Give this man the Pulitzer

I will never look down on sports journalism again, not after I read this. Wow. Nervy and truthful.

White line fever

I will be driving quite a bit this weekend, as I have been offered an interview in Hibbing, MN. The library needs a youth services librarian and pays half again more than I am making now. However, I'll be spending 11-12 hours alone in the car each way. "Harry Potter" on tape is a good thing.

For those of you thinking, "Hibbing, MN? Where have I heard that before?" It is Bob Dylan's home town.

Turkish Delight

During the Balkans crisis (remember that one?), my military history teacher had a solution: give the Turks whatever they want and let them go. I still believe it.

They say One's dentristy is diabolical.

It looks fine to me.

Honestly, though, how is this news? I mean, have you seen the Brits?

The Season of Candy

I have determined that here in the US, there are two seasons: summer and candy. As summer wanes, the amount of candy available begins to skyrocket due to the approach of Halloween. That amount stays high all through winter and spring because of all of the candy-oriented holidays along the way. It finally comes to an end just after Easter, when the last cream egg disappears from the drug store counter. Then summer begins again. Or should that be called "The Season of Diet."

If it weren't for the honor, I'd decline!

This weekend was the final weekend for boat tours at the zoo. The main animals to see are lemurs, and they were taken in to their winter quarters on Friday. I enjoy piloting the boats, so when I was given the last run on Sunday, I was thrilled. I should have declined...

It was cloudy, but the threatening rain had not shown up all day, so it seemed unlikely to start. I took out five visitors, who were happy for the late afternoon ride, even though there were no animals to see. At the turn-around point (10 minutes out, 10 minutes back to the dock) the heavens opened up and rain came down in sheets. Visibility was lousy as I gunned the engine to get back. The passengers were wet but laughing, so I figured all was well. But, as we were about minutes from the dock, the engine stalled and would not restart. As the rain came down even harder, I discovered the primary gas tank was empty. I told the folks to cross their fingers as I checked the auxiliary tank. A little bit of liquid sloshed in it and, praying it wasn't just water, I switched over and fired up the engine. We made it to within sight of the dock when the engine stalled again and we coasted into the berth, my game passengers singing the "Gilligan's Island" theme.

As we were secured to the dock, it stopped raining. I offered refunds, but nobody took and went away laughing. I asked the team leader about the gas. Apparently, those in charge decided not to buy any more for the boats since it was the last weekend and the main tank "was full this morning." Rather than beat her to death, I just clocked out and went home for some soup.

Look before you leap

Under the heading of "Just because you can doesn't mean you should:"
1. Putting beans in your nose
2. Amending the Constitution to protect the Flag
3. Skydiving
4. Swimming with sharks
5. Impeaching Bill Clinton
6. Dressing in armor and fighting with swords when you are 41
7. And this.

I'm an old man...

...but this makes me feel great! Go Vinny!

Joke (kinda)

What goes clippity-clop, clippity-clop, BANG! BANG!, clippity-clop?

A drive-by shooting in Lancaster County, PA.

A confession...

I'm a librarian, complete with fancy degree from the top library school in the United States. I work hard to encourage reading and literacy. The Dewey Decimal System holds no mystery for me. And I can shelve books with the best. But, here is my secret librarian sin...I don't read much.

I'm not a bibliophile. At library school, when all my classmates gushed about books and libraries growing up, I admitted that librarianship looked like a good job. On quiet, rainy afternoons, I don't curl up with a book, I take a nap. I'd rather go for a hike in the woods than get hopelessly lost in a used bookstore. And those creepy old stacks in a library are, to me, just that: creepy.

As a kid, I read voraciously. Then I hit college and reading became work. And in library school, 90% of what I had to read was crap. Boring crap. By academic librarians. Oy.

What was the last book I read, cover to cover? No idea. What was the last item I read where I didn't skip whole chapters just to finish? Don't recall. What book influenced me the most? Probably a short one.

So now, when patrons are aghast when I admit that I haven't read the book they are holding, I just smile like the Cheshire Cat. Which was, I think, a character in some book...

Misplaced tradition and the Cubs

Here are some suggestions from somebody that hates baseball,but is interested enough to see that change is needed.

First, North siders and other Cub fans need to realize that the "storied tradition" of the Chicago Cubs is one of failure. Looking back fondly on failure is not healthy and helps to create to the atmosphere of losing that the team is mired in. Remember, failure is a habit. "Lovable Losers" should not be nickname used fondly. Once they can all realize that, change can be made and for the better. Please, keep that in mind as I extol.

1. Change the uniforms! The wimpy little letter "c" on a bright blue cap does not instill fear in an opponent. Go dark blue and put a large old English "C" on the cap. The Cubs are not an American League team, so why dress like one?

2. Move! Let's face it, Wrigley is a dump! Fans and players expect better facilities these days and keeping Wrigley just because it is the oldest park in the majors is just keeping up with the tradition of failure. Some options:
a. Rebuild. Knock down old Wrigley and make a new, state of the art facility with the look of the old place. See Camden Yard and Fenway Park for examples. Take the ivy and that awful Harry Cary statue if you must.
b. If it won't fit in Wrigleyville, move to a suburb. There are plenty of successful sports franchises that exist outside the limits of their city. Try Plainfield, the fifth fastest growing suburb in the nation.
c. Go to Indianapolis. Indy has been desperate for a major league team for as long as the Cubs have been losers. And franchises move all the time, usually for the better. The Dodgers, Giants and A's are the best examples.

To go forward, you can't look back.

POTUS trivia

Presidents have never really been that popular...or healthy. If W. finishes his second term (which he should, barring accident or Pelosi), it will be the first time that two presidents have finished two complete, back-to-back terms since (get this) Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809) and James Madison (1809-1817). Nearly 200 years of indecision and death!

A useless statistic, to be sure. You'd think I would enjoy baseball more...

Island hopping, rodent style

It seems simple enough: send the little buggers to this place. Nobody will even notice.

Funniest (and saddest) moment in Ameican history

This happened on December 21, 1970. Elvis wanted to be a DEA agent at large and Nixon wanted to look more in tune with young people. And, lo and behold, we got this shot. And here you thought I was going to say it was the Cub's 2003 collapse (this year's should be even better).

Rah.

Homecoming is today here at The Independant School. There is nothing in the world like the sound of 1st graders singing (screaming) the school fight song (set to the tune of "On Wisconsin"). This afternoon we will all troop over to the auditorium, where high school kids will chant and scream, and scare the living Hell out of the grade schoolers. Then, all teachers will be forced to participate in the homecoming parade. Joy. Go. Team.

This sort of thing is hard for librarians, who as a rule, never cared for this sort of thing, even when we were kids. But, if you insist...Go Illini!

Here Leezard Leezard

Miri is into toy animals and she has a lot of them. She is especially fond of lizards, frogs and dinosaurs. So when I went into her room to pick up, I was not surprised to see a lizard that I didn't recognize. But when I bent down to pick it up, it ran off! Apparently, as the weather starts to turn, the Great Plains Skink may move indoors.

Well, I have nothing against lizards that eat bugs, but I didn't want Miri to freak if she saw it. It had run under her bed, so I had Frippen flush it out. I scooped it up and put it outside. Maybe it will eat a few of those huge, brown spiders that show up at this time of the year.

Back from the dead

OK, back to posting. I just got over the flu, which had been going around the family (Cole and Miri were feverish and sleepy; I got the whole thing Tuesday and spent the afternoon on the bathroom floor). Now, after an extra day of sleeping, I can get back at it, whatever "it" might be. But I missed "Talk Like A Pirate day." ar...

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of...Red Cream Soda!

ARRRR! Shiver me timber, me hearties. And don't ye be fergittin' that tomorrow be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! So go into work wearing a really big hat and fake parrot, and answer the phone "Ahoy!"

Avast ye!
Musket Max (according to the Pirate name generator)

OK, but who cares?

I sure don't. So, please pass the potatoes with a side of global warming. And the A-1 sauce.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070913/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_climate_meat;_ylt=Altwmx16lOthgJfizbljxRntiBIF

Vanity, thy name is Osama

Most men dye their hair as they get older in order to attract younger women. Apparently, bin Laden has to look younger to attract younger followers. And since most of his followers are young men...

I'm just sayin'.

43%

That is all I've visited. Not very impressive. AND the furthest west I've ever been is pretty much were I am right now.

Book Reccomendation

All I can say is, "Wow!" Great story, well written for kids, and the illustrations should have won an award!

Arthur and the Sword by Robert Sabuda. (C) 1995, Atheneum Books for Young Readers. ISBN 0-689-31987-8.

(Cindy and Melissa: go get this one for your sons!)

Now THAT'S religion!

Maybe the Cubs should convert to Hinduism...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20590374/?gt1=10357

Enemies list

Like Mr. Nixon, I have an enemies list. New to it: 5th graders. Lippy little bastards. Since they are the oldest in the lower school, they think they know everything. Its almost too bad that I will not see them next year as 6th graders, as their egos get a big dose of middle school smack-down.

Yet another reason to hate August

1. Too damn hot.
2. School starts.
3. The mosquitos have gotten so big they need aircraft ID numbers.
4. No holidays.
5. Baseball is STILL going.
And for me, I never got a day off. Between my two jobs, I worked every day in August. Every. Single. One. So, for the first time in my adult life, I actually want a beer!

Yes, it is hot. But...

Call me a procrastinator, but I have finally made up my mind on the global warming issue. And, it is a non-issue. Is it getting warmer? Yes. Did humans have anything to do with it? No. Historical and geologic records are better than anything most scientists have come up with and they show one thing: Earth has occasional climate changes, with big ones about every 10,000 years and minor ones about every 2000. Well, we are due for both. So, sit back, crank up the A/C. As we said in central Illinois, "If you don't like the weather, wait around and it will change."

Here is something else the panikers have neglected: in all of their research, they left out the opinions and data of meteorologists, the people who actually study the atmosphere. These experts pretty much are in agreement: we are due for a climate change. So give your weatherman a break if your picnic is rained out.

And finally, my suspicions from 2000 were confirmed. Al Gore is an egocentric loon.

Please pass the gravy

According to the following article, Mississippi is the fattest state in the union. I wonder if Wal-Mart sells a lot of king-size white sheets...

http://health.yahoo.com/news/178814

More animal stories

Yet another cool animal encounter at the zoo! On Sunday morning, I was cleaning the glass at the lion enclosure (on the public side, that is). On the other side was Fern, the baby lion (in the picture, she is on the far right). As I used the brush and squeegee, Fern pawed and bit, trying to catch them through the glass. She even stood on her back paws once, trying to reach them up high. I'm six feet tall, and her head was above mine; not much of a baby anymore, is she?

So, no matter how big, how ferocious or how wild a cat gets, its still a cat!

Bonk!

For fun, I do foam fighting. That is, dress up in pseudo-medieval garb and armor, then hit my friends with padded weapons that (kind of) represent actual ones. As we say, "We want to kill our friends, not hurt them." We even wear helmets so we can smack our opponent's head. Which I'm starting to think may not be the best idea...

So, there I was in the doctor's office yesterday. I thought I had a concussion from fighting on Monday. My buddy Allen was in a really bad mood and nailed me most powerfully with a pole arm (axe on the end of a 6-foot long pole). No pain, but I could feel the force move from the left side of my head, through my skull and come out my right ear (the eardrum even puffed out). I developed a choice headache and slept very well. The next day I was still very sleepy, had the choice headache, was blinky and walked around in a world about 3 degrees off center. The doc saw no evidence, but, since symptoms of a concussion can develop up to to a week after the incident, he advised that Cole keep a close eye on me in case I get goofy. Goofier than usual, I guess.

Let's stay on task, shall we?

OK, I just sat through my first faculty meeting. All 2 hours of it! The agenda was only one page long but teachers, God love, cannot stay focused. Maybe that's why kids have ADHD: they catch it from their teachers!

And don't get me started on the peanut allergy debate...

Hey, der, polka boy, go home and suck a beer!

Well, of course in Wisconsin. If they had their way, the drinking age would be 12. (And you can buy beer at the Milwaukee County Zoo!)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20249460/

Wise men say...

...Only fools rush in.

http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=272030&affid=100055&GT1=7702

Thank God the Tiki Room is Open!

Many people have asked me about my tiki room, especially since it was reborn after Liza left. Here are a few pix to enjoy! Sorry if they are dark, but the place is in the basement after all.

The big Moai is here to greet you as you enter. We call him "The Big Kahuna."
This is what passes for the bar. Since I don't drink, it is just a bunch of mugs I have collected.
More big tikis, 'cause you gotta have big tikis. The dude with the beanie baby on his head is "The Other Kahuna." Please note the photo of the King looking down on us all.
The actual tiki collection. A few good stories here: the dark ones on the upper left were ordered from a place in Hawai'i. The guy included a note that said that, in his over 30 years of business, he had NEVER shipped anything to Wichita! The light brown guys on the upper right are examples of "you never know what you'll find at a dollar store." Finally, check out the tall tiki on the far left. It is a real carved wood figure made especially for me in Hawai'i. My girlfriend from high school and I reconnected and she had her mom (who I always thought was not fond of me) get it carved and brought back. I was so happy. All I could say was, "wow." Over and over...

Even feminists want a manly man!

Check this out! I love this woman...

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx#pageTopAchor

Yet another new job.

OK, here's the story:

Back in October, I was laid off at Exploration Place. The new president was hired in June and he decided that all the middle managers had to go, regardless of their usefulness to the museum. Rather than just doing the brave thing and firing us right then, he decided to make us quit. So he started a campaign of transfers, promotions of others and cutting of responsibilities till all but one of us quit: me. I hung on till the end of October till he got tired of paying me for showing up and trying to do my job, so he canned me. So at least I got unemployment for 6 months...

Seven months later, all I had to show for all my job chasing was plenty of interviews and no offers. On June 1st, I started a "joe" job at the local zoo, 35+ hours per week in the blazing sun. But I needed a real job. Cole and I decided that if I did not have a real job by June 30, I would pack up and move back to Illinois (room with my buddy Karl) and she would stay in Wichita with Miri till I could find work.

On June 28 (a mere 2 days before the deadline) I was offered the job of Librarian of the Lower School here at the Independent School in Wichita. My buddy Allen was so relieved that he nearly cried (nice to have friends like that). I started on August 1st.

It is a major pay cut, but we don't have to move, I have insurance and I'm back in the library business. I'll be keeping my zoo job on full weekends through August, then go Sundays only. Cole may need to find part-time work as well, but we'll see at the end of August.

Whew. To quote C-3PO: "No more adventures!"

Busy Girl!

Miri can certainly pack in a lot in one day! Here's a little tour:

Wake up time! Let's go Mr. Piggles! Sorry Spongebob, no jellyfishing today.

Jump on the new tricycle and head for the mall. Looks like I need a new hairbrush...


La,la,la,la. La,la,la,la. Miri's World! Complete with sandbox, two slides and a water play table. It used to have a canopy, but the nasty ol' Kansas wind blew it away!


Look who Frippen and I found crawling through my yard. An ornate box turtle that I named "Mine!"



Well, I'm done playing outside in the 100 degree Kansas weather. I think I'll peruse this new selection from my library.

Hmm...I wonder what I'll do after my nap...ZZZZzzzz...

What a great part time job!

I have a part-time job at the Sedgwick County Zoo here in Wichita. It is pretty cool, since I get to have lots of encounters with animals. Such as...

On Sunday, I was sent out to detail (pick up trash). I grabbed a bucket (a green one, which is important) and headed for the chimp and orang habitat. When I got there, I noticed a large group of humans by the chimp glass, who were faced by the entire troop of chimps on their side of the glass. It turns out that the keepers were there (with the humans) showing the chimps a small anteater for their amusement. While I watched, one of the older chimps noticed me and walked over and started to casually look into my bucket. Pretty soon, the whole troop was over, all trying to get a look into the bucket of trash. Since they were no longer interested in the anteater, the keepers came over to see what was up. I professed confusion as to why the troop would give a damn about trash, and was told that the keepers bring in their food everyday in a green bucket. Oops. Sorry there guys and girls, didn't mean to make your stomachs growl.

And here is our new baby giraffe! Ain't she the cutest?