Take that, Pack Leader!

OK, now that we've accomplished this, on to the doorknob mystery! *woof*

It must be Bush's fault!

The global warming kabal must be thrilled that there is a tropical storm this late in the season. I mean, tracking this sort of thing is so much more important than actually helping the people in the Bahamas.

"Wuthering Heights" starring Miriam Bell

"Oh, Heathcliff!"
(sorry, it had to be done)

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood (Miri prepares for Halloween)

Mama always says, "Cutie is as cutie does." And why isn't this pumpkin made of chocolate?

It's a pumpkin chorus! A one and a two and a...

Tuning up for Trick or Treating. *ahem* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gimme.

Thank you, BoSox

By sweeping the Rockies, you have brought another interminable baseball season to an end. And early, at that. God, I hate that game...

No, let's not!

Help! I was walking past the music room at the lower school, and I heard something most horrifying: "The Time Warp" sung by kids! After class, I had the teacher play it for me. Not only were there pre-adolescents singing the Rocky Horror classic, but (and I'm not making this up) NONE OF THE LYRICS HAD BEEN CHANGED! *shudder*

Don't believe me? The album is called "DJ's Choice: Kid's Pop Halloween Songs," (c) 2003 Turn Up the Music, Inc.

With a bit of a mind flip is right!

Cavemen, er, cavepeople

Yes! Finally, the evidence for what I have said all along: we dorky red-heads are just evolutionary throw backs. Cute, sure, but just a bunch knuckle dragging mouth breathers...

Variation on a classic

Classic:
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve grasshoppers here!" The grasshopper says, "That's okay. I only wanted a beer."

Variation:
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Dave?"

Think you have problems with squirrels now?

"They may take our lives, but they'll never take our acorns!"

49%

Add two more: Colorado and Minnesota.

Sorry, no good stories.

It pretty much went as planned, with only two problems:
1. I was lost for one hour in Minneapolis trying to find my hotel on Saturday night.
2. There was a 30 minute delay in Denver due to snow.

It sure is beautiful up there in Minnesota. All extremities crossed! I'll know October 29 if I got the job.

Start again!

OK, I'm still going to Hibbing, but no longer driving the entire way. Last night, we went to pick up the rental car at Hertz and was told they had no more cars, even though I had a reservation. Hertz sent me to Enterprise, who would not honor the unlimited mileage (turns out Hertz would not have, either, even though I had a reservation slip from them with "unlimited mileage" printed on it). So much for the cheap car.

We went home and I got a last-minute flight to Minneapolis from Wichita. I leave Wichita at 3:30pm, have a 3 hour layover in Denver, arrive in Minneapolis at 10pm, then get a rental car (confirmed, paid for and verbally checked!) for the 3.5 hour drive to Hibbing. I'm done in Hibbing around 3pm on Saturday, then don't have anywhere to be till 6:30am Sunday, when my return flight leaves Minneapolis. After another 3 hour stay in Denver, I get back to Wichita at 12:30pm.

One plane change allows the airline to lose my one piece of luggage, but at least I can add two more states to my list: Minnesota and Colorado. ("The furthest west I've been? The Denver airport. The furthest north? Hibbing, MN.")

Give this man the Pulitzer

I will never look down on sports journalism again, not after I read this. Wow. Nervy and truthful.

White line fever

I will be driving quite a bit this weekend, as I have been offered an interview in Hibbing, MN. The library needs a youth services librarian and pays half again more than I am making now. However, I'll be spending 11-12 hours alone in the car each way. "Harry Potter" on tape is a good thing.

For those of you thinking, "Hibbing, MN? Where have I heard that before?" It is Bob Dylan's home town.

Turkish Delight

During the Balkans crisis (remember that one?), my military history teacher had a solution: give the Turks whatever they want and let them go. I still believe it.

They say One's dentristy is diabolical.

It looks fine to me.

Honestly, though, how is this news? I mean, have you seen the Brits?

The Season of Candy

I have determined that here in the US, there are two seasons: summer and candy. As summer wanes, the amount of candy available begins to skyrocket due to the approach of Halloween. That amount stays high all through winter and spring because of all of the candy-oriented holidays along the way. It finally comes to an end just after Easter, when the last cream egg disappears from the drug store counter. Then summer begins again. Or should that be called "The Season of Diet."

If it weren't for the honor, I'd decline!

This weekend was the final weekend for boat tours at the zoo. The main animals to see are lemurs, and they were taken in to their winter quarters on Friday. I enjoy piloting the boats, so when I was given the last run on Sunday, I was thrilled. I should have declined...

It was cloudy, but the threatening rain had not shown up all day, so it seemed unlikely to start. I took out five visitors, who were happy for the late afternoon ride, even though there were no animals to see. At the turn-around point (10 minutes out, 10 minutes back to the dock) the heavens opened up and rain came down in sheets. Visibility was lousy as I gunned the engine to get back. The passengers were wet but laughing, so I figured all was well. But, as we were about minutes from the dock, the engine stalled and would not restart. As the rain came down even harder, I discovered the primary gas tank was empty. I told the folks to cross their fingers as I checked the auxiliary tank. A little bit of liquid sloshed in it and, praying it wasn't just water, I switched over and fired up the engine. We made it to within sight of the dock when the engine stalled again and we coasted into the berth, my game passengers singing the "Gilligan's Island" theme.

As we were secured to the dock, it stopped raining. I offered refunds, but nobody took and went away laughing. I asked the team leader about the gas. Apparently, those in charge decided not to buy any more for the boats since it was the last weekend and the main tank "was full this morning." Rather than beat her to death, I just clocked out and went home for some soup.

Look before you leap

Under the heading of "Just because you can doesn't mean you should:"
1. Putting beans in your nose
2. Amending the Constitution to protect the Flag
3. Skydiving
4. Swimming with sharks
5. Impeaching Bill Clinton
6. Dressing in armor and fighting with swords when you are 41
7. And this.

I'm an old man...

...but this makes me feel great! Go Vinny!

Joke (kinda)

What goes clippity-clop, clippity-clop, BANG! BANG!, clippity-clop?

A drive-by shooting in Lancaster County, PA.

A confession...

I'm a librarian, complete with fancy degree from the top library school in the United States. I work hard to encourage reading and literacy. The Dewey Decimal System holds no mystery for me. And I can shelve books with the best. But, here is my secret librarian sin...I don't read much.

I'm not a bibliophile. At library school, when all my classmates gushed about books and libraries growing up, I admitted that librarianship looked like a good job. On quiet, rainy afternoons, I don't curl up with a book, I take a nap. I'd rather go for a hike in the woods than get hopelessly lost in a used bookstore. And those creepy old stacks in a library are, to me, just that: creepy.

As a kid, I read voraciously. Then I hit college and reading became work. And in library school, 90% of what I had to read was crap. Boring crap. By academic librarians. Oy.

What was the last book I read, cover to cover? No idea. What was the last item I read where I didn't skip whole chapters just to finish? Don't recall. What book influenced me the most? Probably a short one.

So now, when patrons are aghast when I admit that I haven't read the book they are holding, I just smile like the Cheshire Cat. Which was, I think, a character in some book...

Misplaced tradition and the Cubs

Here are some suggestions from somebody that hates baseball,but is interested enough to see that change is needed.

First, North siders and other Cub fans need to realize that the "storied tradition" of the Chicago Cubs is one of failure. Looking back fondly on failure is not healthy and helps to create to the atmosphere of losing that the team is mired in. Remember, failure is a habit. "Lovable Losers" should not be nickname used fondly. Once they can all realize that, change can be made and for the better. Please, keep that in mind as I extol.

1. Change the uniforms! The wimpy little letter "c" on a bright blue cap does not instill fear in an opponent. Go dark blue and put a large old English "C" on the cap. The Cubs are not an American League team, so why dress like one?

2. Move! Let's face it, Wrigley is a dump! Fans and players expect better facilities these days and keeping Wrigley just because it is the oldest park in the majors is just keeping up with the tradition of failure. Some options:
a. Rebuild. Knock down old Wrigley and make a new, state of the art facility with the look of the old place. See Camden Yard and Fenway Park for examples. Take the ivy and that awful Harry Cary statue if you must.
b. If it won't fit in Wrigleyville, move to a suburb. There are plenty of successful sports franchises that exist outside the limits of their city. Try Plainfield, the fifth fastest growing suburb in the nation.
c. Go to Indianapolis. Indy has been desperate for a major league team for as long as the Cubs have been losers. And franchises move all the time, usually for the better. The Dodgers, Giants and A's are the best examples.

To go forward, you can't look back.

POTUS trivia

Presidents have never really been that popular...or healthy. If W. finishes his second term (which he should, barring accident or Pelosi), it will be the first time that two presidents have finished two complete, back-to-back terms since (get this) Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809) and James Madison (1809-1817). Nearly 200 years of indecision and death!

A useless statistic, to be sure. You'd think I would enjoy baseball more...

Island hopping, rodent style

It seems simple enough: send the little buggers to this place. Nobody will even notice.

Funniest (and saddest) moment in Ameican history

This happened on December 21, 1970. Elvis wanted to be a DEA agent at large and Nixon wanted to look more in tune with young people. And, lo and behold, we got this shot. And here you thought I was going to say it was the Cub's 2003 collapse (this year's should be even better).