A rant

Ladies and Gentleman, let me just say this: I am sick to death of being told to "grow up" or be referred to as "needs to grow up." And this is not the preamble to some comedy bit, joke or Jimmy Buffett reference. I am genuinely angry.

I am a grown up. I have grown up. If there are things about my personality that are annoying or child-like, it is not because I have not "grown up." It is because I am human and need a few things to support my emotional well-being, not because I have the mentality of a 6 year-old or stunted emotional development.

Are there things that I do or want that seem childish? Yes, on the surface. But if you look a little deeper, or contrast them with all the very "grown up" things I want and do, you will see that they are my very human way of trying to maintain emotional stabilty in the face of some very bad times.

I get up and go to work everyday in order to support myself and my family. I successfully pulled myself and my family up out of dire economic and geographical circumstances. I can drive without mishap, iron out problems at the bank, get my daughter dressed and fed. I survived a horrifying emotional collapse after my first wife left. I can budget and balance a checkbook. I don't leach off of my friends, family or government AND take responsibilty for my actions. I thank people when they help me. I don't begrudge my wife a few nights off or wanting to hang around with her friends instead of me. I know what it means to be a father and husband. I don't need sex to make me feel good or fulfilled. I have accepted the fact that my relationaship with my wife is not the same as it was when we first got married. I have grey hair, wrinkles, high cholesterol and hypertension.

Now, why do I need to "grow up" because I want praise for a job well done or be thanked for something I did that was helpful? Why is it "childish" to miss people who I love when they are not there? Why do I need to "be a grown up" when things make me feel unhappy? I am a grown up, because all these things are natural for all humans, even mature ones. I would need to "grow up" if I didn't look at my life, see what me problems are, then try to change them or accept them.

All my life, I have battled low self esteem. Lately, it has been particularly bad because of the nightmare in which my family and I have lived. I have not curled up in a ball and wept till someone else came along to pick me up. I did it myself. Because I am a grown up.

Maybe you will see this rant as another clue that I "need to grow up." If so, you need to stop being judgemental and find out more about me. Believe it or not, I don't live in my parent's basement.

I will now climb down off my soapbox and return to my life. My grown up, mature life. And that's all I have to say about that...