I'm sick to being tolerant!

Politically Correct bozos be damned! Because of this, I am going to start using the word "crusade" again when referring to fighting terrorism in the Middle East. Why do I have to continue to keep a civil tongue and pick my words carefully so as not to defend these idiots...er...deeply religious followers of the peaceful prophet (name deleted)?

Grammar 911!

From the Opinion Line of today's Wichita Eagle:

Another baby gets mauled and almost killed by another pit bull. They should be completely outlawed in Wichita, and it should be a felony for anyone caught having one.

Okay, it should be a felony to own a pitbull...or a baby? Be specific! Or your baby could be put down for mauling a pit bull.

Our website is finally updated!

Go here!

Leave it up to the Daily Illini

Countdown to my first day in Hibbing!

Actual "chief executive" stuff

I have never believed that the presidency should be the moral compass of the nation. It is impossible to legislate morality, so why expect the chief executive to worry about? The president should be dealing with the day-to-day running of the executive branch, defending the country and making sure that we can go about our lives with a minimum of fuss. Like this.

And this is why regular people should be president. Not Rhodes scholars, wives of Rhodes scholars or anybody whose address includes "The Hamptons."

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Clause (abridged)

American pop culture has too much influence on the rest of the planet. Even our offensive slange has crept out there and spoiled Christmas for kids in Australia. I'll be playing Santa in the upcoming holiday show, so I guess I need to watch my Christmas spirit, huh? Ho's up, Santas down.

At least Bush can stay on task!

As a person easily distracted by shiny objects, I can sympathise. But I don't want to be president! This comes from the John Edwards campaign in Iowa:

At a farm in Cylinder, Iowa, last month, when latecomers unfolded chairs, he paused from remarks about Iran. “Are you going to keep rattling chairs while I am talking?” he said, not in an unfriendly way. Later, he had to be reminded by them what he had been talking about.

I mean, what would happen if he was deciding on whether or not to push the button and a squirrel ran past the Oval Office window?

Not allowed to serve.

Veteran's Day is always tough for me since I'm patriotic and have always wanted to serve my country. I feel guilty that I have not done my part like so many others. And with the new incentives to join coupled with the fact that at the age of 41, I still have one year of eligibility to join up. But the military has always found a reason to turn me away.

Right out of high school, I went to the Navy, but they said no because I had ulcers at the time. In my early 30's, the Air Force recruited me to be an officer, then denied me because I was a sleep walker. Several years later, I was ready to go into the Army Reserve and made it all the way to the physical when the doctor pronounced my mitral valve prolapse a "heart murmur" (which, according to my cardiologist, isn't). I don't see how any of those things could stop me from pulling a trigger, but rules are rules and I still respect an honor those who went...and are still there.

Thanks. For all you do.

If Ohio State doesn't win the BCS Championship...

...whoever does should send Illinois a really big fruit basket. Or one of their scholarships.

I'm just sayin'...

Hillary Clinton claims she is qualified to be president because of the time she already has spent in the White House. I wonder if Monica Lewinsky ought to run for president.

Like global warming, it has been assumed, not proven.

Bring on the bacon!

Any dog owner knows this already

This is an intersting study, but, as a dog owner, all I can say is, "Well, duh." Check out paragraph four about the original study; must have been done by cat owners.

'Cause I'm ethnocentric and love bashing other countries, especially France

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

NOTE: None of these are original. If you don't like this, its not my fault...

At least they weren't truck drivers!

Having flown over the boredom that is Kansas, I can completely understand.

Fred, when you get to Hell, you'll be rooming with Hitler

BTW, that's a soldier dancing on the grave.