Thursday, May 25, 2006

The anti-Shirt cometh!

One of my co-workers, Sheldon, is a great guy and all, but today he committed a great heresy: he wore a monochromatic Aloha shirt! No colors, just shades of grey in a tropical pattern. Wrong, wrong, WRONG! I must now summon the Hawai'ian inquisition and stamp out this heresy!

Or, he can buy me lunch and all will be forgiven. We have easy penance in the First Church of the Sacred Ugly Shirt.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Kansas or Wisconsin?


Miri's latest word popped out yesterday during a snack break. Cole held up some string cheese and asked, "Do you want this?" Miri smiled and said "Cheese..." Now she'll expect the good stuff!

Friday, May 12, 2006

A few minutes with Groucho


Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple- sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh...Now you tell me what you know.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Whatever it is I'm against it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A new allergy

I like to joke that I'm allergic to the planet, but I've never had a food allergy. Till now, that is. It seems that I'm allergic to blue corn chips. Just the blue kind, not the white or yellow. Weird. I mean, I had them twice over two days and was covered with a bright red (but not itchy) rash both times. I'm SO glad Cool Ranch Doritos are not made of blue corn; I'd be rather put out.